is marriage really valid in todays society? i don't kow. not being religious, the only reason i can see for getting amrried is purely egotistic and materialistic. yes, i would like to have one day where i get to wear a pretty dress, all the attention would be on me, and everyone would have to lie and say i was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen. and lets face it, the groom really doesn't feature much in the wedding. the guys tend to pat them on the back, talk about loss of freedom ,and give them a highly alcaholic drink to 'fortify' them. girls are too busy fussing over the bride to even notice the groom.

in a society with such a high divorce rate, it seems a rather large expense, and bother, just to argue over who has to keep great aunt marges wedding gift when you split.

that's not to say that i don't believe in love, or that relationships can't last. i know a couple who are just perfect. they aren't married, but i look at their relationship and think 'that's what i want'.

so, do we need a piece of paper to tell someone that we love them?

have you ever noticed that chickens really do encompass so many of the traits of 'evil'? i mean, they are cannibalistic, especially when they eat their young, they attack defenseless little humans, they kill any little furry creature they can get their horrid little beaks into. the alpha rooster will root/rape anything that moves. and worst of all they have horrible little scaly feet. the only time a chicken is good, is when it's on my plate, plucked, cooked and smothered in tandoori chicken and paprika!

of course my hatred of chickens started early in my life as a country girl. i used to think they were all cute and fluffy, like any decent city girl would. but i had hardly been here a week, i was happily in the shower when i noticed something move in the doorway. it was a rooster, only 25cm tall, but he was WATCHING ME IN THE SHOWER. balls have been removed for less. but from that day on i have been convinced that chickens are evil!

good news: boy is alive, and thus not lying dead in a ditch somewhere. also baby cut her first tooth, the day she is six months.

i love my country, i guess i am patriotic after a fashion. but some things is see make me sick. i was brought up to hear nothing, see nothing, say nothing (not by my parents, but rather by my friends) when anything was bad. society also told me that anyone who was differnt, i should ignore, maybe ridicule, possibly hate. but there is a girl who lives near me who is being abused by not only her grandfather, but also her brother. she is thirteen. the police know, welfare know, but no-one stops it. i don't particularly like this girl, she is rude and socially inept, due to a slight mental shortage, and she harasses me sometimes. but she should not be going through this. so i wonder, why, in a country that claims to be so open minded, is this allowed to happen? it saddens my heart, but i don't know what else i can do. i don't think there is much else i can do. but can i still turn a blind eye, to be deaf dumb and mute?

i would also take this opportunity to spit (obviously metaphorically) on the graves of all the people who have committed similar crimes, and recommend that they (even though i am an atheist) have some form of eternal punishment.

there is nothing more frustrating (for both parties) in the i-don't-know-if-i-want-to -ull-out-my-hair-or-smash -you-into-a-wall-way than an argument between exes over visitation rights. obviously there is an incompatability somewhere, or you would still be together, so there is past resentment, added to the fact that you still have to see each other, even though the very sight of them makes you blood boil, plus you have to try and be responsible and mature for the child's sake, but you both want two very different things. it also doesn't help if your ex is a complete knob. but then again, there is nothing more boring than listening to someone talk about the arguments they have with their ex over visitation rights (given in gory detail, and punctuated by bursts of 'b@stard or b!tch) so i shall move right along...

a true disaster occurred today. my solitaire game will not boot up. i, of course, have formulated many internet conspiracy theories, with no actual computer knowledge of if it is even possible (any help on this matter would be appreciated) to crap on someone's games via internet. but then again, why would you bother??? seems pretty pointless. but i have had to drag out my old laptop to sooth my cravings, which is annoying.

on a brighter note, i did just find a chicken in my tree. perhaps i ought to explain. firstly, as my room faces the barren block next door, i have a two meter potted tree in my room. secondly i am a country girl, and thus have many chickens, roaming around. how one got in my room, i don't know. (once i found a rooster watching me in the shower, but that is another matter entirely) this random occurance however has made me laugh. funny how little things can do that.

but in big, eathshattering news (to me anyhow), my little girl has just figured out how to propell herself forward. it's not quite a crawl, but it's getting there, and so adorable. it's amazing how a small thing like that can make you almost cry with pride and love.

i am an addict. unfortunately there are no annonymous meetings for my problem (none that i have found anyway) so i shall declare it in my blog, to take the first step to recovery. hi everyone, i'm sparkydo, and i'm adicted to solitaire.  at first it was just a boring game that made me sleepy, but now, i go to sleep with little solitaire games flicking in front of my eyes. i need help!!! if anyone has a cure for solitaire-a-holics, le me know!

listening to peter gabriels? red rain. for some reason it reminds me of that doco 'wolves of the sea', with all the killer whales. i realised that i hadn't heard from the boy in a couple of weeks (bloody army). hope he's ok.

i was listening to some girls at the busstop today, talking about the diets they were on. they would have been about fifteen, tops, and all bitching about how they were too fat (whilst wearing skin tight size 6 jeans that only girls with no hips can ever wear). one girl was only drinking tomato juice all day, another was trying to figure out the calories in a choc milk, and yet another was going on about how she had pretended not to be hungry at dinner last night, and had, in fact eaten nothing for the last two days. for goodness sake, get a grip! i felt like slapping them around the head and telling them to get over themselves. yelling, if you want to loose weight, eat properly and excercise you bloody idiots!!!! who wants to be some skeletal waif who picks at a salad, moaning over the fat content, wishing she could just have a hamburger. you can't hug someone like that, cos they're all bones and angles. and i seriously don't think it's appealing. i am size eight (aus) and if i wanted to be i could be a whole lot thinner, at one stage i was, but if felt so ugly. so this is to those who starve themselves on fad diets, instead of getting off their arses and excercising.

GET OVER YOURSELVES AND GET A F-ING CLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUNSHINE, LOLLIPOPS
i wish i could bottle up my happiness and give it to people on the street who look sad. you know the ones. when you smile at them and say hi, it looks as though it's the nicest thing to happen to them all day

THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE SKY
well really there is, but don't you just love the smell of rain? i just want to go out and dance in it. the only bad thing about rain is trying to get the washing dry...that and my room keeps leaking, but hey, a little water never hurt anyone

MY BOY LOLLIPOP, YOU MAKE MY HEART GO GIDDEE UP
yes, i am in love with a boy who probably doesn't love me back. 'sides, he is in the army (bloody army) but i do enjoy being in love. it makes everything pretty, and warm..or at least bearable, don't you think

WHO WILL SAVE YOUR SOUL?
i often wonder about religion. having none of my own, and being quite a determined atheist i find it hard to understand how people can be so devout to their religion. it seems pointless to me. i mean, there have been thousands of religions over the centuries, cults, paganism. what makes any of them the true on, and why would you die for your religion??? kill for your religion? "if you suffer your people..."

PAPA DON'T PREACH
yes, i had a baby young, and my father is still trying to get over the idea that i was 'so stupid'. but you know what? that little girl is the best thing that ever happened in my life. i am doing uni via correspondence and i have always been a little mature for my age. i hope he gets over it. he hasn't always been the best father, in fact at times he has been shocking, but i would like to know that one day he will accept my choice.

WORDS ARE FLYING OUT LIKE ENDLESS RAIN INTO A PAPER CUP
as much as that is true i had really better go and prepare for my meeting. i feel as high as a kite with all the goodwill, and shall go and spread it to my family. yippee

" quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave i know. but i do not approve and i am not resigned"i don't know what that's from (if anyone knows please do tell) but i like it. to me it's an acceptance of defeat and a promise to fight all at the same time.

something i have noticed about getting older (and at the tender age of 19, i MUST know all about it) is that i wake up at 3am with, what i thin is a starling revelation at the time. my latest was about human behavior. humans create. we create life, houses, books, art, cars etc. but when we are bored we destroy. think of a small child. they will build a tower of blocks, and when they are bored, will smash it down. many rich people take huge risks (such as drugs, alcahol, fast cars, dangerous parties) (yes i realise it is a huge generalisation) to relieve the boredom of their situation. acts of boredom such a tearing paper/leaves/bark etc are very common. i'd like to think that destructive acts could merely be the product of boredom but history tells us otherwise. perhaps, however that a certain amount of boredom, maybe imposed by restraint had been conducive to destruction in a small way...i don't know. it all made perfect sense at 3am this morning! 

For all of you who have the decency (and of course money) to move out, I applaud you. Being nineteen i find it rather degrading to still be living with my mother and sister. Not to mention noisy. My sister has recently descovered my old 'fubie' which has been happily chirping "cockadoodle do, dormo hungry' in the wee hours of the morning. I am not good at being woken up and I'm afraid that i was rather rude the last time it happened. I love my family, but honestly, who would live with them? Well, i would, and looking at the rather large 'bills to pay' file in front of me i will be for some time. So, i shall have to put up with my fourteen year old sister wandering into my room at all hours looking for my favourite black skirt (which i have hidden since she managed to tear a whole leg off my favourite jeans), wanting me to give her money (GET A JOB) or even worse, lending me money (where does she get it, she doesn't have a job!) I do love my family, but i'd love my own place even more. Failing that, a lock would do. I spose it's just lucky there's no guy in my life at the moment...

For all of you who have the decency (and of course money) to move out, I applaud you. Being nineteen i find it rather degrading to still be living with my mother and sister. Not to mention noisy. My sister has recently descovered my old 'fubie' which has been happily chirping "cockadoodle do, dormo hungry' in the wee hours of the morning. I am not good at being woken up and I'm afraid that i was rather rude the last time it happened. I love my family, but honestly, who would live with them? Well, i would, and looking at the rather large 'bills to pay' file in front of me i will be for some time. So, i shall have to put up with my fourteen year old sister wandering into my room at all hours looking for my favourite black skirt (which i have hidden since she managed to tear a whole leg off my favourite jeans), wanting me to give her money (GET A JOB) or even worse, lending me money (where does she get it, she doesn't have a job!) I do love my family, but i'd love my own place even more. Failing that, a lock would do. I spose it's just lucky there's no guy in my life at the moment...

Ok, so i have a serious obsession with old school love, like in Pride and Prejudice or similar. The whole idea just wins me over. So true, if a guy made a Grand Gesture, i would freak out and think "oh god, what is he making up for' but part of me would be blown away. I just don't get love these days. There are so many conflicting sociatal views on what should be done. I's easy to say 'be yourself', but seriously, who is these days? How many people go out on a date and don't do something different to their personality so that the other will like them. Rant rant blah blah woof woof.

Sorry, just facing the prospect of a lifetime alone, living with many cats and ventig my spleen on the internet. Seems so...mundane. And the whole idea of someone reading this rhetoric just makes me cringe.

Still, onward and upward. New Subject. I wonder where all the different cows and dogs and sheeps etc we have today came from. I mean, i know that there were originally breeds in the wild, but you are not going to tell me that a bunch of wolves, dingoes etc produced a shitzu. And genetic abberations can only go so far. WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET A JERSEY COW???